What Not To Say To Me: The Young Married Girl

O+B 478

 

 

 

 

 

I’m 23 and married.

Gasp.

Pause.

Gawk.

I have been married for over a year and a half now.

I started dating my husband when I was 16 years old. I was going into my senior year of high school and he had just graduated. Our eyes met from across the pizza parlor and there was more than cheese and pepperoni smells in the air: there was love. I will write a post about how we met and give you all the details sometime.

So we dated. We did long distance for a short while. We lived in Oregon. We lived in California. Then we lived in Oregon again. We experienced trials in our own lives and within our relationship. We also experienced extremely happy times that I am thankful we had together. We dated for three and a half years before we got married. To some people that might not seem very long, and to others it might seem like eternity. But we decided to get married. There are some strange things people say/ask when they find out I’m married at 23. Here are some things you should not say to me when you find out I’m married:

  1. Were you pregnant?

Do you have kids? Both of these questions imply that the only reason I could have gotten married at this age is because I had a bun in the oven. I wasn’t pregnant so sorry to disappoint.

  1. Why did you do that?

Because I wanted to, dummy.

  1. What did your parents say?

The only reason you are asking this is because you assume they disapprove. Even if they did, why would I tell a random stranger about that?? But, for the record, they are very happy for us.

  1. BUT you are SO YOUNG!

Thank you?

  1. How old are you?

How old are YOU??

  1. 50% of people who get married young end in divorce.

Thanks for the stats. Doesn’t that also mean 50% don’t end in divorce?

  1. You just wait…

For what? To start hating each other? I appreciate your enthusiasm.

At the end of the day, we got married because we loved each other and it felt right. There is no catch. That’s it.

I know, it’s shocking. However, despite how you feel about it, it’s my life choice. Maybe it seems crazy to you because we are different people and have different personalities. I don’t judge you for your life choices. Unless we’re talking about Crocs, then yes, I’m judging.

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5 comments

  1. i got married at 24 and have been married 19 years. it’s worse now but even in 1995, I got a lot of the same responses as you. A lot of people get into relationships with the idea that they’re going to change the person they’re with. Those relationships usually fail, whether the couple is married or not. What I’ve found after 19 years is that we have to let each other learn, change and grow. As soon as you put someone into a box and label it, you cease to see them as they really are. it doesn’t matter if you get married young or old, you have to allow each other the freedom to navigate alone sometimes and trust that you’ll come back together. We are, at the heart of it all, individuals who choose to share our lives.

    1. I completely agree. Brock and I really try to push each other to be successful in our careers right now… something people seem to think can’t happen if you are married at my age. I think “navigating alone” is extremely important in any relationship. Just the other day someone asked me “do you ever worry that you will find someone else?” and it blew my mind. If I worried about that I wouldn’t have gotten married! Plus if that is something on your mind it wouldn’t matter what age you got married, you would still worry about that.

  2. I got married at 22. She was 21. I can tell from your writing that you’re more mature than either of us were.

    I got married again at 32. I was about as mature then as you are now. We’ve been married for 21 years and will remain so forever.

  3. Come on!!! People actually tell you about the percentage of marriages ending in divorce? That is unbelievable. Who says that??? I love your #5: How old are you? How old are YOU?. That’s awesome. Great post!

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